Basic Ideas On Dating Offline And Online

Here are basic pointers on researching dating online and offline:

- You should be very discriminating on free internet dating sites. Do you want to hook up with cheapskates? Criminals and weirdoes are more common on them too. Some individuals want to get hitched to get a passport. Some want to get you to send them cash for plane tickets or their sick mother; these are cons. Some women are looking for ‘sugar daddies‘; a man to sponge off of. Some are looking for someone who’ll put up with their impossible conduct; the very opposite of a loving relationship, where both parties look for ways to make the _other_ person happier. Conversely, if somebody has had to cough up some cash to join a dating site it means they are a bit more earnest and they’ve got a credit or debit card; a bit more comforting, but you can still easily land a wacko.

- While you first make eye contact, smile. If she smiles back, you’re in. Then go up, and say hello. After that, take your cue from her. She likes you, so you don’t have to jabber. You can say the most commonplace things; it’s your appearance, and the sound of your voice, that’re doing most of the work. If you’re anxious, just tell yourself: “plenty more fishies in the sea if I screw this up”. Which is true!

- In any correspondence (email or paper or discussion forums or chat rooms), obey the following rules: Be polite and formal to begin with. Do not assume closeness with a total stranger. Do not employ sexual language or swear-words or talk about violent or cruel acts. Women hate this sort of thing, and it makes them scared; “uh-oh, another net loony!” Don’t bluster. Play up your nicest qualities and your status in the flow of the correspondence, but don’t brag. Take heed of what she has to say, and talk about HER and her pursuits. Don’t badger her. If she doesn’t want to talk, or doesn’t reply, don’t bother her. Silence is an answer in itself. She may be occupied, she may have received mail from other guys initially, or she just ain’t interested. Again, you don’t want to be seen as a pest-weirdo-stalker. For your own sake, you should try to get a photograph of her as soon as is polite. A picture speaks a thousand words, and you may spare yourself a lot of effort. Even then, photographs can be old or manipulated or photoshopped, so ask for snapshots from her recent vacation, or the like.

- Some women yearn for a man who is ‘macho’, dominating, even a little bit cruel. Accent on the little bit. You keep her attention by appearing to be complex and unpredictable. You may act domineering, dominating, even a little sadistic. Check her responses closely when you do. If she takes delight in giving in to you, a spark in her eye, a suddenly more positive response to you; you may be dealing with a woman who unfortunately has a masochistic need to be ill-treated and disciplined. If such behavior comes easily to you, it can be very efficacious with pleasing such a woman. One caveat; masochists like their pain on THEIR terms ultimately. You’ll need to take your cue from her, not just shove her about indiscriminately. Moderation is key here.

- Don’t over-think it. We are pulled to a certain type, with whom we can make a better baby; more sturdy, fitter, smarter, better adapted to its environment. Other types just don’t click with us, ‘though we can acknowledge intellectually they are attractive. It’s a heart thing, a guts thing, and parts lower down. The head merely gives its assent to a decision already made.

- Race, religious belief and nationality are significant. Happy-go-lucky twenty-somethings think they aren’t. Married thirty-somethings find they are, to their grief. When you get married to someone, you link up two families. Somewhere down the line race, religion or nationality will become _very_ significant. Of these three, I think religion is the most important; it affects rudimentary beliefs about the nature of the cosmos and your place in it. In Catholicism, for example, the Catholic in a mixed marriage has to give an undertaking to bring up any children as Catholics. If you don’t address that issue before marrying, you have set the timer on a bomb which could damage or break-up your marriage. A non-religious Muslim may re-discover his faith in his 40’s; this could be a big problem for his non-Muslim wife. If your in-laws are of a different religion and you require their aid or they start interfering in your marriage… forget Hollywood; it produces lies and fantasy. You don’t live in an urban, disconnected bubble when you get married, unlike young singles who ’shack up’ together. This is why Catholics have a six-month lead-in period to marriage; if their priest is a traditionalist and thoroughgoing, they will be asked some probing questions before they can walk down the aisle. And a good thing too! The world doesn’t need any more divorces and fatherless children, and the misery such things cause.

- Romance: Champagne, moonlight, soft words eloquently uttered, and flowers are arousing to most women. Those who try to get along with women, and speak easily about their interests, are more successful with women, than less thoughtful types.

- Smiling and touching: A smile shows that you are well disposed towards somebody. Make sure you stand the right distance away. Near, but not ‘in her face’. You are focusing on her, and her alone; with your regal japes and cordial interest in what she is saying, you draw her nearer. Nod, grin, laugh softly, flirt with her. Touch her arm while talking to her. A slightly provocative comment may be appropriate, to try out how far you can go. You need to drive out the idea that you might be ‘just being genial’.

I hope these few handy ideas will help you in finding a nice girl via dating online or offline.

About the author: N. Svengali is an author for dating service and self improvement web sites in London in the UK.